Missing You
by CreativityMichaelson
Summary: “I miss you.” That ache that once paralyzed Hermione started to take hold again. Why? Hadn’t it been long enough already? Why did it still hurt? Soft snow crunching told her someone was approaching, and she quickly wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt turning to move out of their way when she saw him. “I miss you, too.” He whispered.
1. Dolor

_Do I miss you? ...  
_

_Do I actually miss you? ... _

_The ache in my chest says I do, but my mind refuses to allow me to come up with a clear decision. Why did you leave me? Why did you tell me you loved me if you were going to sever our connection so abruptly? Even worse, why do I feel as if I miss someone else other than... you? How is that even possible? Have I gone completely out of my mind that I can no longer remember accurately what our relationship was? _

_I thought you had let your guard down finally and were letting me in. I thought we were becoming closer to one another despite what others said. I thought we were doing it... and I was getting use to being someone you loved and trusted. _

_Why do I feel you aren't suffering as I am? Why am I hurting so much? _

_Why you said you wanted me, I saw it all play out. Our future... Our happiness... Everything. When we spoke it was as if our minds connected, as if we were one person. But was that just how I felt? _

_I am so lost my mind has some how changed who you are. Does that even make sense? How could someone be something other than what they actually are? Maybe this was why we ended? My imagination? My eagerness? My... My everything... _

_Was it me? _

_Did you not mean to say I love you?_

_Why is this so unbearably hard? _

_I just wanted to believe you could love me because I cared so much for you. _

_Why can't I seem to let you go as easily as you have let me go?_

_How is it that I still yearn for you yet want to run from you? Because running means it will just hurt much less than if I continue to want you... But, God, I want you. I have wanted you since the very beginning and maybe that's why this didn't work? Just maybe you didn't want me as much? _

_Maybe there was a small part of you that thought you wanted me, but the bigger picture became clearer and you realized I was not for you? But how could I not? After all you were the first to say I love you... _

_Why..._

_Why? _

_Why?! _

_I wish for a day I could think rationally rather than emotionally. What has my mind done to distort your image to the point I cannot even recognize you anymore? I can't see our relationship for what it was. Why am I so unsure of the facts when I knew them so clearly not even a day ago. I am unsure what reality is and what fiction is now. While I know myself to be a sensible woman, you made me feel so... senseless. _

_When will it get easier? _

_When will the memories fade? When will the need for you dull? _

_When will I be free of this unbearable clutch? _

_When will I be able to let go of you and move forward in my own life now that we are not... we? _

_Why do I feel as if I want us to be we still? Even though I know that it was never bound to work between us... Just like you said. _

_Do I miss you? _

_Or do I miss who I wanted you to be? _


	2. Woe

"Hermione..." The door to Hermione's room opened slowly and she closed her eyes tightly wishing she could close her her ears as well. "Hermione do you want to come with us to Diagon alley?"

Cho Chang stood quietly looking into Hermione's dark room from the doorway. She looked from the parchment paper haphazardly tossed amongst the many tissues on the floor and could see her friend's slender figure completely covered under a large comforter on the bed. There was a small part of her that understood Hermione's pain, but also she knew that losing someone unwillingly vs willingly must feel different. Cedrick was taken unwillingly... He didn't choose to leave...

But Hermione...

She was left willingly and though no one cared to admit it, not even Hermione herself... it broke her.

It had been nearly two months and Hermione kept to herself every day. She wouldn't let anyone see her cry. She went to work as quiet as a mouse, and would return very much in the same demeanor. It was only when she entered the laboratory to bathe that one could hear the heart wrenching sobs that she had undoubtedly been holding in all day.

Each sob, quiet but heard over the splash of water...

Each sob, followed by a shudder gasp that echoed in the small walls of the shower.

The heart wrenching cries seemed to coat the walls and the residue was building creating this heavy feeling of grief. There were some days she would be unable to control how loud she cried. It was on those day Cho and Lavender tried hard not to listen to their roomate although their hearts reached out to hers.

Once Hermione was in her room, they knew she must have placed a silencing charm on her room so she could really cry it out. She only knew this because she would hear the gasp followed by a short agonizing cry before a gentle and pleasant hum that emanated from Hermione's door. She understood wanting to have privacy, but she wished Hermione would talk to them about her sorrows. It would do her good rather than keeping it all in to herself like she was.

Cho understood everyone handled heart break differently, but she didn't understand how Hermione could be this effected by one person... One that no one even understood why or how she had even begun a relationship with him... Everything about their relationship was a blur to everyone on the outside of the relationship and try as they might, no clarity ever came to them. Yet, one thing was clear. Hermione was hurting.

Because of him... and they didn't even know what had happened...

Hermione went to see him.

Came back an hour later which was much earlier than normal.

She looked pale, as if she was going to be ill. Her cheeks had dry lines from what must have been trails from her tears. Hermione didn't even look at Cho or Lavender who were sitting on the couch enjoying each other's company. Lavender called to Hermione softly, and stood up to walk to her before rushing to catch Hermione as she collapsed to the floor, clutching her chest, as she sobbed with all her might. The sound was deafening.

But ever since then, she never showed her emotions about the affair.

Cho sighed looking down at the floor before backing out of the doorway to close the door, taking away the small amount of light that had been illuminating the inside of the room as she left. Her footsteps told Hermione when she had headed down the stair case, and the squeak of the front door told her that Cho had opened the door to leave.

Should she have left with her? Taken her offer to go to Diagon Alley? Did it make her seem as if she couldn't function past going to work at the Ministry's office and coming home? She really didn't want anyone to question her or even suspect she wasn't doing well. But she knew that everyone already knew. What was the point in trying to hide it any more?

Because she never just gave up...

Hermione sat up in her bed, looking at the mess on the floor and then at herself. Today was suppose to be her day off and here she was, a mess in a mess. Why was she living so pitifully?

It was just a breakup...

"Scourgify..." Hermione whispered after grabbing her wand off her bed side table.

Immediately her room started to put itself back together. The wads of tissue rolling to the waste bin like mini tumble weeds. The parchment paper going up to her desk to stack in a nice pile. Her laundry being sorted to be cleaned or folded before folding said clothes to put away. She didn't want to take the time to actually clean.

Hermione stood up to look in the mirror and just as soon as she lifted off the bed, the bed made itself. Goodness...

Did she look like this going to work? Why had no one told her about the bags under her eyes? Of the uneven color of her hair, or lack of style it had? Goodness she looked worse than her first year at Hogwarts...

"Rutrum Pulchritudo..." She whispered and closed her eyes as her make up brushes, hair brushes and other beauty products got to work. Maybe... Just maybe she could try to be a good friend today? She thought as she waited for her make up to be done. It had been a long time since she had spent some time with her friends.

Even before...

Hermione could feel the tears building in her eyes and shook her head. Her chest started to tighten, and it was a pain that spread up to her nose making it tingle in only the way a heart felt cry did...

"Merlin be damned!" She hissed going to her bed, pulling back the covers to recover herself with the comforter. What was the point? She had no energy to do anything. She tried.

_No. __No you didn't... just like you didn't try to fight to keep your relationship... _

She told herself curling her legs up to her chest.

She just wasn't ready.

She tried today... She cleaned her room.

Maybe tomorrow she could do a little more.

But not today...


	3. Propitious

"Do you think we should give Hermione some chocolates? Like... Do you think she will like them?"

Cho looked up at Lavender who was putting a couple liquorish wands in a container, removing it from the bag she had from Honeyduke's. The woman's brows were furrowed as she stabbed the metal tongs into another bin to collect fizzy wizzies- a favorite of Hermione's. It was clear they both had the same idea, which was to do something to cheer up their friend. Cho took a few steps over to Lavender and could see the anger on her face as she picked out pink, and blue fizzy wizzies and she sighed.

"Lav..."

"Do you know how much it takes out of me not to go find that man and give him the lashing he deserves?" Lavender whispered closing the bin as she closed her eyes. "I have never seen 'mione this low... Never. Not even when she got a low mark. She always picked herself up and got back to it to do better than before... But now... it's like she doesn't know how to do that. And it's all HIS fault."

Cho completely understood Lavender's feelings about the whole ordeal, but what she couldn't agree with is that he needed to be harmed for what had become of their relationship. If there was anything Cho had learned about this man it was that he was closed off. Merlin knows how long he had closed himself off and there is nothing more scary than opening up and exposing yourself to being hurt again. It was a difficult process to accept and commit to and she was sure that was why he ended the relationship...

But that was only speculation...

He was always in a difficult position while they were in school and it didn't matter. He was the scapegoat which oddly, he offered himself to be. The world wanted someone to blame.

To crucify...

He was that.

He allowed it to... protect others from the lashing of the world.

Being someone like that and learning to love someone... Cho could only imagine how terrifying that must have been. However she wished that she knew more because she wondered if they knew how their relationship would bloom would they still do it again?

Or would they have passed right past another...

• • • • •

_"Miss. Granger." _

_"Professor." _

_"There is no need to call me that, Miss. Granger." _

_Hermione couldn't help the smile that came to her face as she reached out for the dried herbs on the shelf in the apothecary that she had ran into an old professor. "If you call me Miss. Granger then shall I call you, Mr. Snape?" She asked feeling her tongue trip over the new name. _

_It was as if they both felt the awkwardness at the same time and froze as they contemplated the change that was made. The fact that they were no longer student and teacher. No... they were in fact community now. Contributors to the wizarding world. _

_Hermione turned her head to look up at her old Professor and saw him resume his shopping grabbing things for his personal storage no doubt. She also saw the list in his other hand of things he was ordering for his class this year. Even though people didn't want to believe he was a caring teacher, there was one thing Hermione knew. He cared. _

_He always had extras. _

_Cauldrons..._

_Herbs..._

_Textbooks..._

_And things you wouldn't think to have on hand..._

_He cared even if he didn't verbally say so. _

_"Professor-" _

_"You don't need to refer to me as your Professor anymore, Miss. Granger." He chided again. _

_"For this I do." Hermione retorted slowly, raising a brow. _

_Sure enough she saw him give her a sideways glance that said he seriously doubted that, but was listening nonetheless. "Professor, thank you." She smiled watching him fight the urge to wince at the gentle statement. No doubt he thought it was too flowery... _

_But she meant it and reached out to place her hand on the side of his arm. His side ways glance immediately lowered from her face to her hand before moving back to her face. She knew it was something odd. She felt odd doing this. But she also... didn't? _

_Severus was taken aback by the statement. Thank you? _

_"As your student I was sure you were out to get us. That you hated every single one of us-" _

_"I did."_

_Hermione moved her hand to her stomach as she laughed and the quickly covered her mouth. "Of course. You hated us..." she agreed with a nod. "But, thank you for hating us enough to make sure we knew how to brew a proper potion." _

_With that she walked around him and headed to the register with Mrs. Gardenstan stood waiting to ring her up. The two chit chatted while Mrs. Gardenstan wrapped her bottles of herbs and other ingredients. Meanwhile Hermione was ever aware of Severus' position in the apothecary. Even though it wasn't important for her to think of him or search for him. It was such an impractical feeling. _

_She smiled as she bid her farewell and headed to the door. She turned to look around the shop before she left and saw that Severus Snape was looking directly at her. She had expected him to lower his gaze when he noticed her looking at him but he didn't. _

_"Miss. Granger." _

_"Professor." _

• • • • •

Hermione's eyes opened at the sound of her door opening again, and felt her energy leave her body as she realized she had been dreaming... not living. Who knew that one moment would lead to a friendship that would bloom into something more? Certainly not her, but now she wished she had never ran into him in that shop.

She wouldn't be hurting like this if she hadn't.

"'Mione... I know its your last day off and you might be sleeping again but we brought back some treats that we got yesterday-Woah! Your room is clean!"

"Lavender!" Cho shushed but Lavender didn't get the memo.

"No! I mean! Good for you Hermione! This is a great first step!" Lavender said and made her way to the bed where Hermione was sitting up. Cho followed her loud friend and wondered if there was ever a moment Lavender had a more quieter and less... abrasive side.

"Hello Hermione..." Cho smiled as Lavender handed her the bag she made.

"Hello... Thank you guys..." Hermione whispered looking down at the treats before looking to the mirror. "God.. I am sorry..." she whispered lowering her head.

"No... you are fine!" Lavender said and Cho reached out to hold Hermione's hand.

"It's okay." Cho agreed.

"But you know... I am sure we can order some Chinese and watch a movie in your room if you wouldn't mind the company." Lavender offered although she half expected Hermione to decline.

Imagine her surprise when her absent and gloomy friend agreed to her idea.

It was time to let go...

It was time to move forward... Hermione told herself as her friend excitedly went to their rooms to get pillows and blankets. She could hear Lavender screaming her order to Cho who was already on the phone ordering. It was... nice to have friends that didn't judge you for being absent.

That were understanding and excited for you when you made small steps.

Maybe she did have energy to make a change...

Today.


	4. Pining

• • • • •

_"Miss. Granger."_

_Hermione looked up from her book to see Severus Snape walking by her in the three broomsticks. This was the first time she had seen him since the day in the apothecary, and he looked worn. Like he did when he was teaching. _

_Come to think of it a new year at Hogwarts must have started, which would explain the look on his face, and the drink he had ordered. It certainly wasn't butter beer... _

_"Professor." She said turning her page and glanced at him to see his brows furrow. "Oh come on..." she smirked, "You didn't answer me on what I should address you as now..." she reminded him and stood up to walk to his table. _

_"What are you doing?" _

_"Sitting with you, or course. I would rather not shout at you from across a table." _

_"Then don't." _

_Hermione took a deep breath as wondered if Severus Snape ever had less of a quick tongue. She doubted it because she had known him for years and if there was anything she knew it was that the man was known for his witty come backs. "But I want to." She found herself saying and the look of indifference met hers. _

_"Of course, you do." Severus said taking a sip of his drink. _

_"Of course, I do." She agreed. "How is the new year treating you?" _

_"Excuse me?" _

_"I said... How is the new year treating you? Any cauldrons decimated? New yearlings learning to fear the great Professor of the dungeons?" She teased with a small smile but the smile didn't reach his face. "Perhaps not? Just another annoying bunch?"_

_"Much like yourself." _

_Hermione rose a brow. "Oh? I am annoying?" She asked settling back into her seat as Severus turned his head away from her but she saw the small smile tugging at the corner of his lips that he was trying to hide. "I suppose that is true but hopefully now one takes my pet name." She said closing her book to stand up. _

_"Pet name?" _

_Severus nearly choked on his drink at the absurd comment. "Never have I given a student a pet name." He said to clarify any miss conceptions that may have occurred in the past. _

_"Don't worry, Professor." She smiled watching him cringe at the name still. "I don't day dream about being in your class though it was one of my favorites. But I highly doubt you had a reoccurring name for a student." _

_"And what might that be?" _

_" Insufferable know-it-all." _

_The two shared a look that said they didn't know what the feeling between the two of them was but it was short lived when Harry Potter entered the three broomsticks and called out to Hermione to get her attention. He was here to meet up with her and Ron for the first time in months. Being an auror gave one less time to be with your friends and family. Especially when your friends were both Aurors. _

_It was as if neither of them needed to make a grand parting. They knew this was it for an exchange. _

_"Miss. Granger." _

_"Professor." _

• • • • •

Hermione frowned closing her eyes, she lowered her head a bit before regaining her focus to continue working. She really needed to focus on her work and not day dream about the past. There was no point in reminiscing or daydreaming. She needed to let it go, and that would only happen if she accepted the fact that it was over.

It had been three months.

All she had done was cry, forget to take care of herself, and neglected her friends. It wasn't fair to anyone that she was wallowing in self pity and making herself more isolated than she needed to be.

"'Ello 'Mione..."

Hermione lifted her head and was greeted by the warm freckled face of Ronald Weasley.

"Hello Ronald-"

Ron dismissed her calling him by his full name, with a disapproving click of his tongue. "We have known each other for too long for you to refer to me as Ronald... 'Minoe... How are you?" He asked crouching down beside her desk, one arm resting on her desk for balance.

"I'm fine." Hermione said and looked around nervously to see if her supervising manager was around. She wasn't one to have visitors loitering at her worker's desk. Auror or not. "Ron-"

"Lilith Bandith is not here today. I do believe she had a family emergency to attend to." Ron smiled. He knew her all to well to stop by her desk if her boss was around. But he knew Lilith wasn't going to be here today or tomorrow. "You know... I would like to treat you today. Anything you want... Scones, tea, meaty pies... you name it." He said leaning in a little so only she could hear him. He even went as far as to fold his hands on her desk, rest his chin on them and bat his eyes prettily up at her sure that it would make her smile. But it didn't.

She looked distressed.

"Ron-" she started and not wanting to hear a rejection or excuse to not join him he added quietly.

"As your friend."

Hermione looked at him and could see the tenderness of the wound she had created by rejecting him. He had changed everything about himself after that horrible incident. She wondered if he had changed because he wanted to or if because he had to. But either way seeing the gentleness in his eyes, and the small smile pulling at his lips made her smile back.

"Okay." She nodded closing her book of underage wizard magic accountability.

Ron watch as she prepared to leave with him to have an early lunch with him. He could tell something had changed her from deep within. She was more reserved at work. She had less bit and fire behind her, and he knew it was because of her relationship with that mysterious man. He had tried to learn more about that relationship because it prevented him from having one with Hermione, but his attempts seemed futile.

Hermione had been adamant that she would not consider an intimate relationship with him, and iced the cake with informing him she was currently in a relationship. It had hurt his pride and he had to admit he didn't know how to handle it. He also wasn't sure if his move had cause damage to their friendship or if all was well still.

That didn't help in the matter when Hermione started showing up out of sorts a few months ago. He knew what it meant. He wanted to check in on her... But he didn't want to seem like a predator lurking on a weaken prey. He felt as if he was doing that now, but his intentions were otherwise.

He just wanted to know she was okay.

"Ready?" He asked as she turned to him, smiling as he stood up right.

"Ready." She agreed forcing a small smile to her face.

Ron restrained himself from wanting to reach out and force her to smile bigger but he knew if he did that then she would most likely be upset and uncomfortable. So instead he buried his hands deep in his pockets, and walked beside her to the little bakery just outside the ministry.

Baby steps...

He told himself.

He couldn't be hopeful that she would change her mind about being with him. But he could be her friend. Even if it meant watching her suffer from a breakup he would have prevented if she was with him...

Baby steps...


	5. Yearning

A/N: Hello all that have started to read, and have continued to come back to read. I will be trying to post at least 1 chapter a day for this story however I would like to fairwarn you that this will be a slow burn story. The story jumps around in the way that ones days do when you are coming down from the loss of someone. Some days will be back to back. Some days will be weeks apart. I will do my best to address when that happens.

With that being said, I really hope you are enjoying this story, and look forward to Hermione relearning her way the way we all have one way or another. Who knows... Maybe she will regain a love interest?

———————————————————————

"Hermione... Did you want to go out with us tonight?" Lavender asked as Hermione stepped in through the door and began removing her coat to hang it in the hall entry.

It was Friday evening. Could she handle a night out? Hermione wondered.

This week seemed to have gone by so fast and she wondered if it was because of all the extra things she was doing. She started the week with hanging out with Lavender and Cho. The following day she went to work and had a surprise lunch with Ron. She went to work everyday and made it a point to take a walk when she got home from work. She cleaned her room on Wednesday without magic, even rearranging the layout and ordering things on Amazon that she wanted. It felt good to have... Normal. To have to wait for something. To have to do it manually...

She wondered if she could do a magic detox of even no magic at home but she knew that would be an even bigger step than what she might be able to handle right now. Thursday was a morning of yoga and an evening bath. Friday she hadn't done anything yet... But could she handle a night out?

She did want to hang out with her friends...

"What are you guys going out to do?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Well we were going to go pub hopping in London." Cho admitted with a smile.

"London?" Hermione said surprised that they would do such a thing. "Like a muggle evening?" She asked.

"OF COURSE!" Lavender said and rose her hands in two fists excitedly. "Neither of us know how to have a full Muggle evening though... So if you come you'll have to show us the ropes..." Lavender said her excitement fading a little as she thought about Hermione not wanting to go out.

A muggle night out... That sounded pleasant. Pub hopping to boot...

"Alright. I should go dress down a bit..." Hermione looked to her friends and smiled. "You two should as well. You don't need to dress so formally..." she said with a small chuckle looking at the girls in the business casual outfits that were appropriate for a nice restaurant.

"Right. Like...?" Lavender asked and Hermione looked at her and Cho in disbelief. Did they really have no idea? She wondered and for some reason she couldn't help but laugh.

"Skirts. Shirts that kind of match but not too much. Jeans work too..." she smiled. "Very casual. But with a little... sexy." Hermione said quietly making the girls in turn laughed.

"Oh! Tonight is gunna be special huh! Hermione can you be sexy?" Lavender asked wiggling her brows before she and Cho went to change leaving Hermione stuck in her thoughts in the entry way.

• • • • •

_"Hermione." _

_"Severus." _

_The scent of Severus' warm and tea time breath was close to her. _

_The feeling of his nervous hands reaching for her face, thumbs stroking her cheeks. It was as if he was holding a small delicate piece of glass, but she understood it was from his nerves. But Merlin, she wanted him to do it. _

_The look in his brown eyes told her he was as nervous as she was feeling, but she wanted what was to come. Did he see that too? Did he know? _

_After a moment where he did nothing but stare into her eyes, she licked her lips in anticipation and broke the silence. "What are you doing?" She asked wondering if he had changed his mind. _

_"Can you see I am waiting for the right time? I can't read you, but if you want... the pleasure's is all mine." He whispered, his gaze falling from hers to her lips, and then her cheeks as he bit on his slightly chapped bottom lip. _

_"Waiting for the right time?" Hermione asked. "I don't understand..." she whispered placing her hands over his forearms. She leaned in a little into him but he pulled back a little and then his hands dropped from her face to his lap. _

_"Can't you see me using everything to hold back?" He whispered. "I don't want to be forward, nor do I want to cut corners... I just want to savor this with everything I have inside me..." he sighed heavily before resting his forehead on her's. _

_She could feel how tender he was. How scared he was of doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. But to hear him say how much he wanted her, and how he wanted to be able to savor it with everything he had... That made her feel all the more special. _

_She reached for his hands with her's enjoying the feel of his cold, slender fingers, tangling with her warm ones. The fact that he was being so considerate and affectionate in a way made her happy to be someone he thought was that special to require such delicate care... _

_Special._

I let my guard down...

I was getting used to being someone you loved...

_Special..._

• • • • •

"Hermione!"

Cho ran down the hallway and fell to the floor to wrap her arms around her hysterically sobbing friend. They had just left her for a moment and here she was falling apart. But out in the open for them to see.

"Hermione, it's okay..." she whispered as Hermione turned into her friend grasping to her as if her life depended on it.

"It's okay..." Cho whispered.

"I miss him." Hermione sobbed.

"I know..."

"I miss him so much." Hermione gasped turning into Cho's chest as her heart hurt so much more than normal.

Lavender came down the hallway, her anger boiling but not because their plans were being cut short before they began but because that man had done this to her friend. Oh how she would love to beat him to a pulp! But instead she fisted her hands at her sides and stepped forward.

"How about we have a night in?!" She asked loudly surprising Cho and Hermione.

"Pizza? Beer? Maybe some Karaoke? I kind of don't want to go out right now anyway. I just wanna-" Lavender ripped her shirt over her head and let out a sigh of relief as Cho giggled and Hermione stared in surprise.

"You... you want to be nude?" Hermione hiccuped.

"Why the bloody hell not?" She asked and danced to the kitchen to figure out how to order pizza over the phone.

"See... It's okay." Cho smiled and smoothed her friend's hair back. "If you want to talk about it it might help you feel better..." She added before wiping Hermione's tears from her face. "But if not it's okay too. Take your time." She said when Lavender hollered about what kind of pizza they wanted.

"I better go help her. Are you okay?" Cho asked helping Hermione up.

"I'm okay..." Hermione sniffled and Cho nodded heading to the kitchen.

_Thank you Cho... _

_Thank you Lavender.._.


	6. Comfort

Three months.

It felt strange to realize it had been three months since Hermione was told that the relationship wasn't going to last. An abrupt end to a year long affair. She wish she understood how this had happened but she was beginning to understand she never would and although it bothered her, she was learning to be okay with it.

She rose a glass of red wine to her lips, legs propped up on the side of the tub as she soaked in a bubble bath thinking about that evening.

She was full of thoughts.

Specifically about Ron though...

• • • • •

_"Mione, really thank you." _

_"It's no problem Ron, I honestly needed a reason to dress up lately..." Hermione smiled as she took a step out of her comfort zone when accepting Ron's offer to be his plus one to Harry and Ginny's engagement party. It was so strange. Her best friend was marrying another one of her best friend... But she wasn't surprised. She just wondered how Ron was taking it. _

_She remembered how he felt about them dating. But now Harry was marrying Ginny. _

_"How do you feel?" She asked curiously as she ran her hands over her floral print a line dress. She made sure Cho had tightened the spaghetti lace straps as much as she could but she found herself consciously having to keep the middle slit closed. It just showed too much of her legs for her liking. Especially with this not being a date... _

_"How am I feeling?" Ron asked while stopping at a red light looking over to her. _

_Hermione couldn't deny that Ron looked handsome. He had gone a long way from dress robes and to nice slacks with a casual polo and sweater-shirt. His unruly hair was combed back and styled so you could really see his face. He looked like a proper gentleman. _

_"What about how are you, you keep fidgeting..." he commented. _

_"It's this slit..." she whispered and Ron bit his lip looking away from her. _

_"Oh... the sl-slit?" He said trying to pretend he hadn't noticed her beautiful legs when she came down the stairs to meet him in the foyer of the home she shared with Cho and Lavender. _

_"Yes... I just... I wish it was shorter." She said and then looked at Ron and quickly corrected herself. "The slit! Not the dress!" _

_Ron chuckled. "If it is making you uncomfortable that much, why not use a hemming spell? Mum's done it loads of time for Ginny." _

_For once Hermione was at a loss for words. A hemming spell? Why couldn't she recall one. "Ron... do you know a spell to hem it closed?" _

_"Oh ho. The great Hermione Granger doesn't know a hemming spell?!" He joked and couldn't help but laugh at the fact that the most brilliant witch he had ever know was at a loss for a spell... "Here..." he said stopping at another red light pulling out his wand casually. _

_"Minimus Hemming Lock." _

_With that the slit on her dress sowed right up about half the length it was. Hermione smiled as her comfort level returned to normal now that she didn't have to worry about keeping the dress closed up. "If you want it hemmed more you just say the spell and point your wand..."Ron assured her and smiled as he resumed driving. _

_When they arrived at the engagement party, Ron was beat to the door by Fred who opened the car door for Hermione and shot his brother a "HAHA I WIN" smile before turning to Hermione. "Hello there! How have you been Miss. Hermione?" He asked leaning on the car door before shutting it and offering his arm to her. _

_"I have been doing much better." Hermione answered kindly. _

_Hermione smiled looking at his arm and was about to accept it when she glanced back at Ron who was desperately trying not to look at them or act as if he didn't want to escort her in. It was an odd feeling but Hermione excused herself from Fred and walked to Ron. "Ron... I think we should head in..." she smiled. _

_Ron looked at her surprised that she had come to him to be escorted in. There was a pause between them like Ron wasn't sure how to respond and Hermione was waiting. With another silent beat, Hermione took charge and wrapped her arm around Ron's. "I should have brought a shawl. It's a little chilly..." she said hoping it would get Ron moving. _

_Then she realized she was wanting Ron to take her in. She wanted him to hold her at his side. They were just friends... And she hadn't been in touch with Ginny for a little while... _

_She reasoned it was because of the unfamiliar faces. _

_Ron placed his hand casually over her fingertips as he guided her inside making sure to not brush too much against her. Why did this feel so weird? Why was he hyper aware of her movements and concerned with how he was making her feel? He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable... He just wanted to be her friend... _

_But why did it feel like he had done something to effect their relationship? _

_"Ron!" _

_Harry called out to him before grabbing both of his best friends in a close hug. Hermione and Ron both enjoyed the small task of the old days. The three of them. Just them... It had been a while... _

_"It's good to see you two!" Harry smiled and looked from Ron to Hermione. _

_She could tell there was a secret look between Ron and Harry and she wondered what it meant. However a part of her also didn't want to know... _

_Soon she branched away as Ron was bombarded with family members and family duties. She found a glass of red wine and nursed on it until it was empty. She found a waiter who was happy to fill her cup again and when he placed it down to cater to someone else... she took it. _

_She kept the glass close in one hand and the wine bottle in the other as she walked out to the back yard where a large swing hung from a large tree. She hadn't been in a swing in forever... _

_She curled up into the huge swing chair looking back up to the main house were the party was happening admiring the twinkling lights and sounds from afar and wondered if she could have had a party like this. _

_With him? _

_Probably not... _

_He wouldn't want a public announcement. Quiet possibly he wouldn't have even wanted a wedding. _

_Hermione sighed filling her third glass and leaned back taking a bit gulp of the warm rich taste. It was only when she heard the sound of someone approaching because of the crunch of leaves that she turned to see who it was. It was Ron. _

_"I wondered where you had ran off to..." _

_"No where special..." _

_"This swing is very special..." Ron said shaking his head. "I made this swing for Mum. The wood is reshaped from the fallen trees during the battle... and the rope was also stripped and repurposed for the weaving. The only thing not repurposed is the pillow lining. You can't sacrifice comfort in times like this..." he laughed before joining her in the swing. _

_"How many glasses have you had?" He asked looking at Hermione's flushed face. _

_"Two..." she hiccuped and Ron smirked. _

_"I think you had one more than that." He laughed as he relaxed into the swing using his long legs to push them. _

_"Why are you not up there with everyone?" Hermione asked. _

_Ron was silent for a moment. But when he spoke the swing stopped moving and the energy between them shifted. It was noticeable. _

_"You know Hermione... I am down here because you are here. We are just friends but... But it would be a lie if I said I didn't like you still." He told her honestly and Hermione hiccuped making him smile. _

_"Sorry... I... I swear I am listening." she promised. "Ron..." _

_"I know. We are just friends." Ron nodded leaning forward when Hermione leaned forward and placed a soft warm kiss on the apple on his cheek. It surprised him just as much as her and she wondered if it happened because she was drinking or because of her own curiosity. _

_"Did... Did you like that?" She asked when the silence was too much and she needed to hear something other than the wind. _

_"Maybe... how... how about this?" Ron asked turning a little and reached his hand up to Hermione's cheek. His warmth was welcomed against her cold cheek despite her flushed look. The smell of cedar wood and orange spice lifted to her nose coming from his sweater shirt. The whole moment was full of warmth and comfort. _

_When Ron's lips met hers, it was like lifting a mug of warm butter beer to your lips on a cold winters day. Sweet. Warm. Comfortable. Delicate. Comfortable. _

_Comfortable. _

_Comfortable._

_Comfortable. _

_Why was this so comfortable? _

_Hermione's glass fell from her hands and onto the ground as she reached for Ron's face in return. She let the kiss naturally grow and deepen before feeling Ron pull back. _

_"How was that...?" He whispered resting his head on Hermione's forehead. _

• • • • •

Hermione placed her wine glass down and sank under the warm water of the bath.

_God what was she doing..?_


	7. Hesitancy

Hermione took a couple deep breaths as she walked down the hallway at work. It had been three days since she had kissed Ron, and she still had no idea why she had done that. Was she out of her mind?

She was three months out of her previous relationship. She thought of him daily, sometimes hourly. It was worst when she was alone. But here she had gone and probably made Ron think that she was somehow interested in him when she didn't even know how she felt about anything.

God damn that wine!!

"'Minoe!"

Hermione looked up, and felt her arms tighten around the folders of papers pulling them to her chest. She knew it was Ron and could feel her body tightening in fear that he was going to say something about what had happened. However she was pleasantly surprised when he told her he was given an assignment that would take him out of the ministry for a couple of weeks.

It was like a wave of relief washed over her. That gave her time to figure out what was going on in her head.

"'Minoe, I just wanted to add... thank you for coming with me to the engagement party. I really appreciate it. I hope you feel better and don't drink so much wine by yourself." He teased which also surprised her.

He... He wasn't going to bring up the kiss? At all? She was not sure how she felt.

Did he like the kiss?

Was it nothing to him?

If it was nothing to him should it mean nothing to her?

Did it mean something to her?

Damn...

Ron nudged her gently before walking down the hall ahead of her. He sighed and clenched his jaw processing what he had just witnessed. She tensed. She bloody tensed up. She regrets even kissing me. Why did I lean in and kiss her back? He rose a hand to his face and groaned into it as he turned the corner to leave.

He knew that she was in a delicate place and now he felt he had just taken advantage of the situation. He thought that was what she had wanted but apparently he went to heavily... He just wanted to show her how badly he cared for her. He thought that was what she understood and enjoyed.

However that was what he got for thinking...

She looked happy...

"Ready Ron?" Harry asked tossing Ron his broom.

"As ever." He retorted mounting his broom as his goggled appeared on his face.

Harry could sense something was off but he didn't ask. He knew that this would distract Ron enough. If he asked about it, it would just make it worse and he didn't need that. "Alright! Let's go." Harry said and flew up into the sky first shortly followed by Ron.

• • • • •

"Hermione." Lavender said softly as they three of them were enjoying a batch of Spaghetti that they had made for dinner.

Hermione looked up from her plate and smiled.

"Yes."

"What do you miss... you know... about him?"

"Lavender." Chided Cho.

"Well, I am just curious. I still don't understand how their relationship came to be, how it lasted so long, and well why it happened." Lavender shrugged. "If it is too much to explain then that is okay... but I just wanted to ask."

"It's okay Cho... its been nearly four months. I can talk about this..." Hermione said putting her fork down.

"To answer your question Lavender, I miss everything. I miss the conversations we had while drinking tea at the end of the day. I miss visiting him at work and helping him grade papers. I miss being in his arms. I miss that he smelled like Lemongrass, frankincense and Sandalwood. I miss how his hand use to shake nervously when he touched me, even if it was just to caress my cheek. I miss that I would look up from a book and see him looking at me with this hint of adoration. I miss wearing his shirts despite his arguments as I walked around his home doing as I pleased. I miss making him his favorite sweets and treats. I miss brewing with him. I miss waking up before he did and watching him sleep or waking up to see him watching me. I miss how he hardly asked for anything and graciously took all I would offer without pressure. I miss how he would gasp when our lips touched and how his hands would hover over my hair as he enjoyed the feeling of our kisses." Hermione didn't realize it but as she spoke silent tears fell down her face. She lifted her hands to her hair to mimic the sensation and sighed shaking her head.

"I miss it all." She whispered. "It wasn't a relationship we sought out. It started slowly and honestly we didn't see it becoming a relationship until it was one. It started by occasionally seeing one another in the apothecary, at the three broomsticks, and around Hogsmead. Then in Diagon Alley. Then I started moving to his table to just have passing conversations. Do you remember when I had started going to Hogwarts to explain the importance of underage magic outside of school?"

Lavender and Cho nodded.

"That was when this changed. We were close. Closer than normal. He was everywhere." Hermione whispered.

"When... when it ended it was just abrupt. It didn't and still doesn't make sense. He said that we couldn't continue our relationship and that I needed to leave. That was it. Nothing further. He wouldn't answer my owls. He seemed to have disappeared quickly from my life and made it apparent that he wanted nothing more to do with me... Which hurt. We... we were more than physically connected, but emotionally, and... God I sound stupid... Sorry."

With that Hermione got up from the table and left to her room feeling a nauseous wave overcome her as she walked to her room. She knew she wouldn't through up but seriously... She felt horrible.

Not only was she dealing with her breakup with Severus. But now she had to deal with Ron... she didn't know how to fix anything.

She wanted Severus back. That much she knew. But what if they did get back together but it wasn't the same anymore?

Was it wrong for her to just be told that it would be okay? That it was okay for her to move on to something new? But why did she feel she needed permission? She didn't need it. She wasn't attached to anyone anymore...

But what if she got hurt again?

No.

She wouldn't let that happen...

She wasn't going to be hurt again.


	8. Suprise

Four months.

In four months Hermione had managed to not only start working on herself with the help of her friends, but also caused a mess in her friendship with Ron. Of course it was natural for him to want answers but unfortunately Hermione just couldn't give him answers with absolute certainty. She knew it hurt his feelings that she was being wishy-washy... She knew she was being that way herself. She knew...

And she desperately wished she wasn't but she had some small hope in her mind that somehow in someway, Severus would find her way back to her. However that didn't happen. Instead... Something else happened.

"Granger." Came a loud and obnoxious voice as a pile of paperwork hit her desk Monday morning. "You'll be needed in the minister's office. Come along now and bring those with you."

Draco. Malfoy.

As if her life wasn't already a complicated mess now she was going to have to deal with him?! Was this her punishment for kissing Ron? Malfoy!

Inwardly she groaned as she took the paperwork he had dropped on her desk and started after Malfoy who was already heading into the hallway next to her department. What could the minister be wanting from her? Had she over looked something? Had she... done something wrong due to her absentmindedness? Oh Merlin! If this break up had costed her her job she would never be able to forgive herself!

If only she had time to look at the paperwork in her hands...

"Granger." Draco hummed impatiently and sighed as he held the door open for her to the elevator.

She promptly followed and they rode in silence.

Occasionally as the elevator made turns and drops, Hermione had caught Draco looking down at her. She wasn't sure why she didn't think it was a condescending look but there was something soft about his look. Weird...

"Ah hello! Yes come in. Come in!" Said the excited minister Amadeus Radcliffe. He had been newly appointed after a short term served by Rufus Scrimgeour. This minster had a knack for being very involved with all of the departments and was being perceived as one of the greatest Ministers in a short time frame. He was just eccentric and very much against the grain of politics. He was also a wonderful musician.

The man ran a hand through his wild hair before turning to look at the two people in his office. Then bluntly said "I need you two to get married!"

"EXCUSE ME?" Shrieked both Hermione and Draco at the same time only making the Minister laugh.

"Loosen up. You both look way to serious... It's a joke. Well... sort of." Amadeus chuckled.

"What do you mean sort of?" Draco asked looking to Hermione and then back at the minister as if he was trying to size them both up.

"Come now, oh come now. Where is the fun in just coming right out with it! Sit. Sit!" Amadeus encouraged and waved his hand to a teapot that was in the corner of the room. "Tea?"

Draco said nothing.

Hermione sensing the tension shook her head. "No thank you, Sir."

"All is fair! I never liked tea to begin with. I just like how it makes my office seem smart." Amadeus smirked and snapped his fingers making the teapot settle back down in the corner.

"Now where were we..." Amadeus said looking at the haphazardly skewed paperwork on his desk. "AH. YES!"

"Draco I heard you were upset with me from holding you back from the Auror's assignment. But that was done because I have a special assignment for you and Miss. Granger."

"Please do tell." Draco said abruptly, his impatience seeping with each word.

"I need you and Miss. Granger to go to Hogwarts and finish the year out there."

"Excuse me?" Hermione asked surprised.

"Well... I have done my best to keep this quiet but there is something afoot in our world. Something that I cannot explain. But last night, Miss Glockenspiel, the transfiguration professor, mysteriously vanished. People have been going missing. With no trace left behind and we are working to figure out what is happening."

"Where does that leave us exactly?" Draco asked.

"Well I was proposing you, Draco- You don't mind if I address you by name?" Amadeus asked and then quickly said "Mr. Malfoy, I would like you to pick up where Miss Glockenspiel lefts off in her class and Miss Granger as you have already been introduced as a guest in the Potion's classes at Hogwarts I would like you to resume an apprenticeship with Severus Snape so that I have two sure agents on the inside minding what is happening. And because of how close I need you two to be, I would prefer a rumor of you two being love birds to exist over you two being spies-"

"No."

Hermione found herself saying the word abruptly without a second thought. Draco looked at her wondering just what she was objecting to. The rumor or her post. And much to her surprise the minister seemed to have the same look. "I would much rather take over Miss Glockenspiel's class. Nr. Malfoy was and is a wonderful potion's maker and also a subject to Severus' house. I was introduced as a guest. I would prefer to stay as that." She said clearly and Amadeus frowned.

However one look at Draco told him that Draco didn't mind that as much as he did as becoming a Transfiguration's teacher. "Fine." Amadeus said with a pout as he leaned onto his desk.

"I need weekly reports of anything suspicious. And absolutely none of the staff or students must know of your assignment. As far as the staff and students are concerned, Miss Glockenspiel has been called away of urgent family matters." Amadeus explained and the two looked at one another.

This was serious.

More serious than either of them could imagine.

How did she miss missing people?

Because she was in charge of underage magic...

"Please pack your belonging. You will be returning to Hogwarts tonight. You are dismissed from your duties immediately."

Draco's chair scrapped across the floor as he stood up to leave, Hermione following after him. The two were just out of the office when Draco lost his cool.

"That miserable oaf! And you! You were no help what so ever!"

"Excuse me? I made it so you didn't have to teach!"

"Yeah but you didn't try harder than that to prevent the additional rumor of a relationship. Have you ever even been in one to know what that intells?" Draco snapped. "In order for a rumor to occur of that nature in a school we have to been seen with one another... often. And occasionally be purposely caught being intimate."

"Intimate?"

"Yes. Like burshing against one another. Fixing each others hair that sort of nonsense!" Draco hissed and pulled out a pocket watch. "My house is further than yours I presume so I will be leaving." He stated cutting her off.

"See you at school."

If there was one thing that had changed it was that Draco Malfoy had grown into his own version of a dominant male. He was demanding, bossy, and insanely snippy. But there was another person causing Hermione to freak out.

Severus.

————————————————————————

A/N: Short and sweet but we gotta keep moving forward!


	9. Discontent

"HOGWARTS?" Exclaimed Lavender and Cho.

"Yes... Didn't... Didn't I tell you I had applied?" Hermione asked nervously.

"Well of course! But it is the middle of the year..."

"Apparently an position became available and needs to be filled ASAP and Mcgonagall picked me." She smiled as she lied through her teeth.

"That's incredible!"

"So you are leaving for Hogwarts tonight? What about... you know?" Lavender asked curiously.

The elephant in the room that no one really wanted to address. Severus Snape. Their relationship. The possibility of seeing one another before they needed to. Merlin. Her mind had been dealing with those very thoughts since she had heard about this situation. However she refused to let it get in her way of her dream position.

Hermione frowned. "It won't be a problem... I will be mature and focus on my duties. Its not like he would be bothered by my presence." She pointed out as she got her trunk. "Plus this is my dream job. I have always wanted to be a teacher..."

"I suppose that is true..." Cho said softly. "We will miss you!" With that Cho wrapped her arms tightly around Hermione from behind.

Hermione smiled. "I will write as much as I can. And don't worry! I will still cover my part of the rent!" She said squeezing her friend before letting go.

Both girls gave a delightful sigh. Cho had been worrying about that but Lavender. Lavender was sort of relieved that Hermione was going to Hogwarts. She was excited for her friend, and happy that she was going to get her chance. But she had a secret other motive to being so happy she was leaving.

If she was at Hogwarts with Severus Snape...

That meant she could be here with Ronald Weasley.

• • • • •

"Welcome Miss Granger and Mr. Malfoy." Said an old and familiar voice. McGonagall. "I presume you would like to see to your class Miss. Granger. And Professor Snape should be here shortly to fetch you, Mr. Malfoy."

"Indeed!" Hermione nodded feeling her heart race at the idea of being in the same room as Severus. She didn't want to see him until she absolutely had to. Could two teacher avoid one another in this school? "Is the class held in the same location?"

"No. It is in the hall next to the library now-"

With that the door opened and the scent that haunted Hermione's dreams can and overtook her senses. He was here. Already. She turned on her heel and immediately left without saying another word and without even looking at him as she barreled through the door way. Just keep your head down. Head down. Head down-

"Miss. Granger, we like to keep a sense of respect as colleagues. Please remember that the next time you push past me."

Hermione whipped her head around as Severus spoke to her, and could feel her anger rising. How dare he! Respect! That miserable man! How dare he speak to her about respect-

"I will see you later, 'Mione- Miss. Granger."

_Did... Did Draco just address me by name? _

"Ye-yes..." Hermione nodded feeling a blush warm her face wondering if she looked as red as a tomato as she felt.

Quickly she turned on her heel and headed down the hallway but without looking back at Draco who was still looking at her. He gave her a gentle had nod and smirk that made her brows furrow.

That cheeky bastard.

Draco was going to enjoy flustering Hermione. She made it so easy. What he didn't know was that Severus had watched the encounter closely and now he had an abound of questions that needed to be answered. Like when did the two of them become so friendly...

Hermione made her way down the hall and to her new class room her thoughts leaving from Severus and Draco when she saw a student walk past her. She was going to be in charge of these young minds... She needed to focus and do what she could to make sure these students had what they needed to succeed. That started with learning where Miss Glockenspiel had left off in her lesson and if she had left a lesson plan behind. Hermione had brought her own material from when she was learning in school just in case. However she wanted to make sure she did as much as possible to keep a smooth transition from Miss Glockenspiel to Miss Granger for the classes.

"I suppose you will need time to prepare yourself for my next class?" Severus said as he and Draco walked down the halls to the dungeon.

"A little. I kept up on my brewing and crafting. And I did extremely well in your class as well so I am sure I will be able to keep up... However do I have to be as cold as you are to your students? Or may I be my own self?" Draco asked sensing a bit if reluctance from Severus Snape. He thought the man would be happy to see him again but there was something about him that was off.

"Do as you please."

"I will then." Draco smirked as Severus billowed ahead. However a voice made him stop in the middle of the hall as students exited their classes to go to the next. It was Granger.

She stood in her classroom greeting students as they filed in one after another. She looked so in place to be a teacher. For some reason he had always thought she would have become a teacher after a few years. Did she ask for her position because she wanted it? Not just because of his comfort? That cheeky woman. He thought as a smile came to his face.

"Mr. Malfoy." Severus called impatiently and Draco turned to look at him then back to Hermione who had been alerted that he was watching her. He gave her a wink and then began to walk towards the angry bat of the dungeons.

Something was going on between the two of them, but he didn't know what Severus decided. He wasn't sure how it made him feel but something told him he was a little jealous by the mere fact that there was something there. How could she have moved on so quickly?

Why did he care?

Why did it bother him that there was something going on? He should be happy that ignorant child had moved on to someone her own age. But... Somehow it didn't make him feel any better.


End file.
